How to Talk to Your Child About Pornography
- Dr. Stephanie Lavoie and Dr. Michelle Fardella
- Jul 14
- 6 min read
Updated: Jul 17
Talking to your child about pornography might feel uncomfortable, but avoiding the conversation doesn’t mean your child won’t encounter it. Whether by accident or curiosity, most kids will be exposed to explicit content online at some point. When that happens, what matters most is that your child feels safe, informed, and supported.
This blog will walk you through how to approach this sensitive topic in an honest, age-appropriate, and neuroaffirming way, without shame or fear.
Don't Wait! Heres Why:
Kids are encountering pornography younger than ever, often through ads, pop-ups, or links shared by peers. When we don’t talk about it, kids are left to interpret what they see without context, which can lead to confusion, fear, or skewed views of bodies, consent, and relationships.
For neurodivergent youth, especially those who interpret things literally or struggle with social understanding, these conversations are even more important. Without direct guidance, they may be especially vulnerable to misinformation or unsafe situations.
Tips for Talking to your Child About Pornography:
1. Start Early, and Keep It Ongoing
This isn’t one “big talk.” It’s a series of small, open conversations that evolve as your child grows. Begin with simple language about privacy, bodies, and boundaries when they’re young, and layer on more detail as they get older.
2. Use Clear, Direct Language
Especially for kids who may find indirect communication confusing, use words that are concrete and honest:
“Pornography is when people take videos or pictures of sexual things to show others.”
“It’s not made for kids, and it doesn’t always show what healthy relationships or real bodies look like.”
Avoid euphemisms or vague warnings, they can lead to shame or curiosity without understanding.
3. Name the Feelings and Normalize Curiosity
Let your child know it’s okay to have questions or to be curious. You might say:
“If you ever see something online that confuses or upsets you, you can always talk to me. You won’t be in trouble.”
“Lots of kids come across this kind of stuff—it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.”
Reinforcing emotional safety helps your child come to you instead of hiding what they’ve seen or how they feel.
4. Talk About Consent, Bodies, and Respect
Use this as a jumping-off point for broader conversations about consent, relationships, and media literacy:
“Porn isn’t the same as real life. Real relationships involve trust, choice, and respect.”
“Not everything you see online is safe or true, even when it seems real.”
Make sure your child knows they’re in charge of their body and that nobody is ever allowed to touch or show them things without permission.
5. Be Ready for the "What If I’ve Already Seen It?" Question
If your child admits they’ve already seen pornography, stay calm. Ask open-ended questions like:
“How did it make you feel?”
“Did you have any questions about what you saw?”
Avoid reacting with panic or punishment. Focus on understanding what they experienced, validating any confusion or distress, and gently correcting any misinformation.
6. Set Boundaries, Not Shame
It’s okay to set limits on internet use and explain why. But avoid shame-based messaging:
Instead of “Porn is disgusting and wrong,” say, “Some people choose to watch this, but it’s not made for kids, and it can show things that aren’t realistic or healthy.”
Supporting Neurodivergent Youth in These Conversations
If your child is autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent, they may need extra clarity:
Use visuals or social stories to explain online safety.
Offer examples of what to do if they encounter something confusing or sexual online.
Revisit the conversation often to check for understanding and answer new questions as they arise.
What If You Feel Uncomfortable?
Let’s be honest, many parents didn’t grow up having these conversations themselves. If talking about pornography makes you feel awkward, you’re not alone. But remember: your child doesn’t need you to be perfect, just present. It’s okay to say:
“This is a bit awkward for me too, but it’s important.”
“I didn’t learn about this when I was your age, and I want to do things differently with you.”
You’re modeling openness, emotional safety, and the idea that tough topics are okay to talk about, especially the uncomfortable ones.
If you need to pause the conversation and come back later, that’s okay. What matters most is that your child knows the door is open.
Online Safety
Pornography isn’t the only risky content kids may come across online, so building general digital safety skills is just as important. But rather than relying on fear-based rules, help your child feel confident in making safe choices with a clear plan and understanding of what to do when something doesn’t feel right.
Key Messages to Teach Your Child:
“Not everything online is made for kids, or safe for anyone."
Teach your child that some content is meant for adults and may show things that aren’t real or respectful. Just like you wouldn’t let a stranger walk into your house, not everything online should be allowed into your space or your mind.
“If you see something that feels confusing, weird, or upsetting, you can always come to me.” Normalize asking questions and reassure them they won’t be in trouble.
“Never share your body, your full name, or your location online.”
Reinforce privacy boundaries and talk about what personal information is.
“You have the right to close a tab, turn off a screen, and tell someone.”
Give them language and permission to act when something feels off.
Tips for Parents:
Use parental controls, but don’t rely on them. Filters and settings can help limit exposure, but conversations are what build real understanding and trust.
Keep devices in shared spaces whenever possible. Especially for younger kids, this creates natural opportunities to check in.
Co-view content and use it as a teaching tool. Watch shows or play games together, and talk about what comes up. These shared moments can build trust and spark useful conversations.
Revisit the conversation often. As your child grows and technology evolves, so will the types of content and situations they may encounter.
Check out our guides on teaching sex-education to youth HERE
We also have a blog specifically on teaching sex-education to neurodivergent youth HERE
Resources for Parents
Protect Kids Online - by the Canadian Centre for Child Protection.
Media Smarts - Talking to Your Kids About Pornography
Porn is Not the Norm – This Australian-based resource is aimed at helping parents and carers of autistic youth explore the complex connections between autism, sexuality, technology, and exposure to pornography. It offers insights on how to guide young people in building safe, respectful, and consensual relationships. They have a paid online presentation available right away for parents and carers, along with a range of helpful info sheets and tip sheets to browse.
Parenting Safe Children
Books:
Good Pictures Bad Pictures is a read-aloud story about a mom and dad who explain what pornography is, why it’s dangerous, and how to reject it.
Defend Young Minds - Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr. (Ages 3-6)
Defend Young Minds - Good Pictures Bad Pictures (Ages 7-12)
Click the image below to listen to Dr. Michelle Fardella and Dr. Taylor Day talk about sex-education in youth!
Instagram Accounts to Follow:
@consentparenting - online courses available anytime
@parentingsafechildren - virtual parent trainings offered
@shamelesspsychiatrist
@amazeparents - they also have a good postcast on talking to kids about p0rnography
@sexpositive_families
@sexeducation.period
Free online training on Concerning Sexual Behaviours (CSBs)
ABCs of CSB is a FREE online learning opportunity designed for parents, caregivers, or allied professionals who are dealing with a child who engaged in concerning sexual behaviour (CSB) and who may also be parenting a child who was exposed to the concerning sexual behaviour. Enroll in the free course here.
If you want to get started on support first:
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#emotionregulation #specialeducation #behaviour #coping #parentcoaching #advocacy #sensoryneeds #pornography #discussions #youth #sexeducation #safety #onlinesafety #adulting #children
IMPORTANT: Information shared by WonderTree is not intended to replace or be constituted as clinical or medical care. It’s intended for educational purposes only. Each child is unique, and the information provided may not be applicable to your specific situation. If you need support, please establish care with a licensed provider so that they can provide tailored recommendations for you or your child. This blog is non-monetized.
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