**This blog is a living document. It will be frequently updated with new information. Please bookmark and revisit to stay updated as new resources are added!
As a parent, guiding your child through the ups and downs of growing up can be tough,especially when it comes to topics like sex education. This subject is important for every young person’s development, providing them with the knowledge and skills to navigate relationships, understand consent, and stay safe. However, when it comes to neurodivergent youth, there are some common myths and misconceptions that can get in the way of them receiving the education they need. Although this article is directed towards parents of neurodivergent youth, the strategies and resources below could be helpful for all youth.
One big misconception is that neurodivergent individuals are asexual, which can lead some parents or educators to downplay or skip crucial sex education. In reality, this is far from the truth. Everyone, including neurodivergent individuals, have a right to learn about their body and ways that the body experiences pleasure. It’s important for all of us to understand how our bodies work, and to learn how to build healthy, loving connections with others. We cannot make assumptions about our youth's identity on the sexuality spectrum(s) based on a diagnosis alone.
Another myth is that if we talk about sexuality and relationships that we will in turn make our kids interested in it more. Although this is something many parents are afraid of, there is no research to support this link. Rather, the research shows that the more educated neurodivergent youth are about sexuality and relationships the safer they are.
Another myth is that neurodivergent people are "innocent" and won’t face sexual issues. And that increased levels of supervision can guarantee safety from sexual predators. These beliefs are especially dangerous, as autistic and neurodivergent individuals are at a higher risk of sexual assault and abuse, particularly at the hands of known individuals. Research tells us that comprehensive sex education can play a big role in helping reduce this risk. Many neurodivergent youth are also exposed to p0rnography online, and often do not know what to do about it. Early conversations and support around what to do if they come across inappropriate content is key.
All in all, sexual health education is something we NEED to be doing with neurodivergent youth to prevent victimization, and promote well-being. That doesn't mean it is easy for us as parents though! Here are some strategies to help you navigate these important conversations.
Start Early and Keep It Ongoing
It is important to introduce sex education early, and continue the conversation as your child grows. This means starting with simple, age-appropriate topics such as body autonomy, personal boundaries, and respect. For instance, when children are young, they can be taught about the parts of their body using correct anatomical terms and the idea that their body belongs to them and them alone.
As your child grows, these discussions should evolve to include more detailed conversations about consent, healthy relationships, and personal safety. Remember, sex education isn't just one conversation—it's an ongoing dialogue that should evolve with your child's development and understanding. For neurodivergent kids, who might need more time to process and grasp certain ideas, regularly revisiting these topics helps reinforce what they’ve learned and makes sure they feel comfortable asking questions as they become more curious and gain new experiences.
Topics you'll want to cover (and there are more!)
Anatomy
Puberty
Gender
Sexual orientation
Slang terms
Consent and body autonomy
Dating
Age of consent
Public and private
Safe self-touch
Pornography awareness
Be Honest and Clear
One of the best approaches when teaching sex education to your child is to be honest and clear. Neurodivergent individuals often thrive on straightforward, direct communication. They might struggle with interpreting subtle language or reading between the lines, so it’s important to use explicit and clear language when talking about sex education. For instance, instead of using euphemisms or vague phrases, it's more effective to use anatomically correct terms and give straightforward answers to their questions. Teach them the slang though, so they know what it means when they hear it out in the world.
Honesty also builds trust. When your child knows they can rely on you to give them clear and truthful information, they are more likely to come to you with questions or concerns. Avoiding topics or sugar-coating information can lead to confusion, misinformation, and a lack of trust, which can be harmful when it comes to understanding sensitive topics like consent and sexual health.
Create a Safe Space
Creating a safe and supportive environment is key to effective sex education. Your child should feel comfortable asking questions, sharing their feelings, and discussing concerns without fear of judgment or punishment. To build this kind of space, it's important to be patient, empathetic, and non-judgmental. Neurodivergent youth might express themselves differently or take longer to process information, so it's crucial to give them the time and space they need. Encourage open communication by validating their questions and feelings, even if they seem awkward or tough to address. This can help them feel that their curiosity is normal and that their feelings are respected, making them more likely to come to you with future questions.
Discuss Consent
Consent is an important part of sex education, and it's crucial for neurodivergent youth to understand so they can assert their boundaries, respect the boundaries of others, and ensure they engage in consensual acts when the time comes. Consent means respecting personal boundaries and making sure any interaction is agreed upon by everyone involved, without any pressure or coercion. For neurodivergent individuals, who may have differences in how they interpret certain social cues or perhaps have difficulty understanding abstract concepts, teaching consent requires clear, concrete examples and ongoing practice.
To make the concept of consent more tangible, it helps to use different methods. Role-playing scenarios are a great way to show how to ask for, give, or withdraw consent in various situations. We also want to teach what to do in case they experience a violation of their boundaries. These exercises can start simple, like practicing how to ask for a hug or borrow something, and then gradually move to more complex scenarios as your child gets older to better understand personal boundaries.
Using real-life examples your child can relate to is also key. For instance, talking about consent in the context of sharing toys or choosing games with friends can help illustrate that everyone needs to agree and feel comfortable with the situation. It's also important to reinforce that consent is always reversible—meaning anyone can change their mind at any time. This helps your child understand that both their own boundaries and those of others should always be respected.
The "what if" game can also be a helpful tool. Present various scenarios and encourage the youth to share what they would do. For example, "What if someone tried to touch your body without permission?", "What if someone called you ______?", "What if someone told you that you have to keep something a secret from me?".
Address Online Safety and Digital Consent
With digital media playing a bigger role in young people's lives, it's crucial to teach them about online safety and digital consent. Discussing topics such as privacy settings, recognizing inappropriate online behavior, and understanding the importance of not sharing personal information online can help them navigate the digital world safely. This also includes understanding digital consent—knowing when it's appropriate to share or ask for personal content and recognizing the importance of consent in online interactions.
Use Visual Aids and Resources
Visual aids and structured resources can be helpful for making complex or abstract concepts easier to understand for all children. Social stories and similar tools can be great for sex education. These aids offer a more concrete way to introduce ideas like body autonomy, consent, and healthy relationships. Additionally, using resources such as books, videos, and educational materials can be a helpful way to introduce these ideas. Visual aids like diagrams, infographics, and social stories can break down information into more manageable parts. Interactive methods, like games or apps designed to teach about body autonomy and consent, can engage your child and reinforce these important concepts.
Sometimes parents and teachers aren't sure what type of accommodations may be helpful for neurodivergent youth when it comes to sex education. We think that the accommodations we use for youth for other areas of learning are often helpful when learning this topic! Does the youth need things broken down into smaller bits of information, repetition, visuals paired with language, etc. Take the things that may be on an Individual Education Plan and use that to guide how you teach sex ed!
Presumed Competence in Sex Education
Presuming competence in sexual health education means recognizing that all neurodivergent teens and young adults have the capacity to learn about relationships, consent, and their own bodies when provided with the right support. Too often, assumptions of incompetence—whether due to communication differences, literal thinking, or overprotection—exclude neurodivergent youth from these essential conversations. This not only limits their ability to form healthy relationships but also increases their vulnerability to coercion and abuse. Every young person deserves access to clear, accessible, and affirming sexual health education that respects their autonomy and lived experiences.
Traditional sexual health education often relies on vague metaphors, abstract concepts, or assumes a level of social intuition that may not align with a neurodivergent way of processing information. By using concrete language, multi-modal teaching strategies, and addressing sensory and social differences, we can ensure that neurodivergent youth are equipped with the tools they need to navigate relationships safely and confidently. Teaching consent isn’t just about saying “no”—it’s about helping young people recognize their own comfort levels, set boundaries, and communicate their needs effectively. When we presume competence, we empower neurodivergent teens and young adults to make informed choices, advocate for themselves, and build meaningful connections on their own terms.
But... I'm uncomfortable!
Talking about sex and relationships with your child can feel uncomfortable—especially if you didn’t have open conversations about these topics growing up (many of us didn't!). Many parents worry about saying the wrong thing, introducing concepts too early, or even just navigating their own discomfort. But avoiding the conversation doesn’t make the need for it go away. If talking about sexual health feels overwhelming, remind yourself that your child most likely will learn about these topics somewhere—it's best if they learn from a safe, trusted adult who can provide accurate, values-aligned information. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to do it alone. Consider enlisting a teacher, therapist, or another trusted adult who can have these conversations in a way that feels safe and supportive for your child. Growth happens when we do hard things—this is one of those hard but necessary conversations that can help keep your child safe and empowered.
Using some or all of these strategies can help equip your neurodivergent child with the knowledge and skills they need to navigate their personal and social lives safely and confidently. Remember, sex education isn’t one-size-fits-all, so it’s important to regularly check in on how your approach is working and be open to making changes based on your child’s feedback. Encourage them to share what they find helpful or challenging, and be flexible in adjusting your approach to better meet their needs.
Scroll to the bottom of the page for our recommended resource lists for teaching sexual health and education to your youth.
WonderTree is on your team
Our team at WonderTree provides support to caregivers and youth to build emotion regulation and coping strategies, understand their neurodivergent profile, and provide wrap around multidisciplinary care. We have clinicians who can support your neurodivergent youth around topics such as sexuality and safety.
Are you a resident of Ontario, Canada? Explore our services at www.wondertreepractice.ca
Click the image below to listen to Dr. Michelle Fardella and Dr. Taylor Day discuss this important topic!
If you want to get started on support first:
Unsure of what support you may need?
RESOURCES
Websites to explore
Sex Education for Self-Advocates- https://researchautism.org/self-advocates/sex-ed-for-self-advocates/?utm_source=chatgpt.com
AIDE resource library- https://aidecanada.ca/search?indexCatalogue=search-index&searchQuery=sexuality&wordsMode=AllWords
Consent Parenting Website- https://www.consentparenting.com/safetynetwork
Differing Abilities Curriculum for Sexual Health- Parent and Teacher guides available: https://teachingsexualhealth.ca/parents/information-by-age/differing-abilities/
Parenting Safe Children- https://parentingsafechildren.com/
Canadian Center for Child Protection:https://www.protectchildren.ca/en/
CCCP Resource Download Page: https://www.protectchildren.ca/en/resources-research/#resources (check out this resources section! Lots of free downloads for youth of all ages)
Holland Bloorview Disability Sexuality Resource Hub: https://hollandbloorview.ca/disability-sexuality-resource-hub
Secrets, surprises, and privacy: https://kendallwolz.com/2020/05/14/secret-surprise-or-private/
Sex Information & Education Council of Canada - Sexual health information sheets: https://www.sieccan.org/ady-pdyouth-infosheets
Interactive tools:
Gender Unicorn- https://www.desmos.com/calculator/0e2izzwl9p
Gender Map- https://www.yesmagazine.org/education/2016/02/01/infographic-gender-identity-and-expression
Videos:
Understanding Consent- a few videos to check out!
Webinar - Ask the Doctor: Healthy Sexuality, from Puberty to Adulthood with Dr. Isabelle Hénault- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcCEwOjPtm0
Books
Books for caregiver/educator/clinicians
Body Safety Education: A Parents’ Guide to Protecting Kids from Sexual Abuse- By Jayneen Sanders
Off Limits- A Parent’s Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse- Sandy Wurtele and Feather Berkower
Sexuality and Relationship Education for Children and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Professional's Guide to Understanding, Preventing Issues, Supporting Sexuality and Responding to Inappropriate Behaviours by Davida Hartman and Kate Branga
Clinician's Guide to Sexuality and Autism: A Guide to Sex Education for Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders by Jessica Cauchi, Peter Gerhardt, Justin B Leaf
Books for children and teens
Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds by Kristen Jenson and Debbie Fox
Consent: Introducing consent and body boundaries by Jayneen Sanders
Private Parts are Private: Learning private parts are private and what to do if touched inappropriately by Jayneen Sanders
Secrets and Surprises: Learning the difference between secrets and surprises by Jayneen Sanders
My Body! What I Say Goes!: Teach children body safety, safe/unsafe touch, private parts, secrets/surprises, consent, respect by Jayneen Sanders and Anna Hancock
Yes! No!: A First Conversation About Consent by Megan Madison, Jessica Ralli, et al.
Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids
It's So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families by Robie Harris
It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends by Robie Harris
It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, Gender, and Sexual Health by Robie Harris
Sex is a funny word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings, and YOU by Cory Silverberg
What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg
The Every Body Book: The LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids about Sex, Gender, Bodies, and Families by Rachel E. Simon and Noah Grigni
Sex Is a Funny Word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings, and YOU by Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth
Making a Baby by Rachel Greener and Clare Owen
Baby Making for Everybody: Family Building and Fertility for LGBTQ+ and Solo Parents by Marea Goodman LM CPM and Ray Rachlin LM CPM
Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept by Ms Jayneen Sanders and Mr Craig Smith
Things Tom Likes: A book about sexuality and masturbation for boys and young men with autism and related conditions by Kate E. Reynolds (Author), Jonathon Powell (Illustrator)
What's Happening to Tom?: A book about puberty for boys and young men with autism and related conditions by Kate E. Reynolds (Author), Jonathon Powell (Illustrator)
Things Ellie Likes: A book about sexuality and masturbation for girls and young women with autism and related conditions by Kate E. Reynolds (Author), Jonathon Powell (Illustrator)
One in a Million: A First Book About Periods by Konika Ray Wong
The Autism-Friendly Guide to Periods by Robyn Steward
Jayneen Sanders is an author of many books that we are often recommending. Read more about her here.
Here’s a nice article about the concept of tricky people!
Instagram Accounts to Follow:
@consentparenting - online courses available anytime
@parentingsafechildren - virtual parent trainings offered
@shamelesspsychiatrist
@amazeparents - they also have a good postcast on talking to kids about p0rnography
@sexpositive_families
@sexeducation.period
A blog written by an autistic writer on sex education- Autistic People Need Comprehensive Sex Education Too- find it here
Free online training on Concerning Sexual Behaviours (CSBs)-
ABCs of CSB is a FREE online learning opportunity designed for parents, caregivers, or allied professionals who are dealing with a child who engaged in concerning sexual behaviour (CSB) and who may also be parenting a child who was exposed to the concerning sexual behaviour. Enroll in the free course here.
IMPORTANT: Information shared by WonderTree is not intended to replace or be constituted as clinical or medical care. It’s intended for educational purposes only. Each child is unique, and the information provided may not be applicable to your specific situation. If you need support, please establish care with a licensed provider so that they can provide tailored recommendations for you or your child. This blog is non-monetized.
Comments