For many kids, school is a place to learn, grow, and make friends. But for others, it’s a source of
intense stress. No matter the age, school anxiety can show up in many ways. Teary mornings,
tummy aches, or even outright refusal to go to school can all be signs of school anxiety. As a
parent, it can feel overwhelming not knowing what to do to support your child’s feelings while
still getting them to school.
Why Kids Avoid School
School avoidance, also known as school refusal, happens when anxiety about school becomes
so strong that kids resist going or find reasons to stay home.
Common Reasons for School Avoidance
Fear of Failure: Worried about making mistakes or not meeting expectations.
Social Anxiety: Feeling nervous about making friends, being at school “alone” when their friend is away, group work, or speaking in class.
Bullying or Peer Conflicts: Feeling unsafe or unsupported by peers.
Learning Challenges: Struggling to keep up with the academic demands.
Transitions or Changes in Routine: Switching schools, adjusting to a new teacher, or returning after a long break.
Sensory Overload: Bright lights, loud noises, or crowded hallways can be overwhelming, especially for neurodivergent children.
How to Support Your Child
Step 1: Start the Conversation
Open up a judgment-free space for your child to talk about what’s bothering them. Instead of
asking, “Why don’t you want to go to school?”, try:
“What’s the hardest part about school right now?”
“Is there something about school that feels scary or stressful?”
“If you could change something about school what would you change?”
It’s easy to want to solve the problem for your child, but listening without jumping to solutions
can help your child open up and feel understood.
Step 2: Problem-Solve Together
Once you better understand what’s causing their anxiety, brainstorm solutions as a team. For
example, if they’re anxious about a big test, come up with silly tricks to remember key
information or come up with a study plan. If they’re nervous about walking into a crowded
lunchroom, explore alternatives like sitting with a buddy or eating in a quieter space.
Step 3: Set a Routine
Consistency helps kids feel safe. Build a predictable morning routine that minimizes stress. For
example, laying out clothes the night before, packing lunch together, or doing a calming activity
like listening to music or practicing deep breathing on the way to school.
Step 4: Gradual Exposure
Avoiding school completely can make anxiety worse. Instead, help your child ease back into it in
a way that feels safe. If full days feel too overwhelming, start with shorter periods, like attending
just the morning or a favourite class. Slowly build up to longer days or more challenging
activities once your child feels comfortable. Celebrate small victories along the way!
Step 5: Connect with the School
Collaborate with your child’s teacher or principal. Share what’s going on and ask for their help.
Schools can offer accommodations like:
- Access to a quiet space when anxiety builds.
- Flexible deadlines or extra support with challenging assignments.
- Structured social opportunities or buddy systems to ease social pressures.
- The development of a school-based coping plan that is co-created with your child.
Step 6: Acknowledge if it is the wrong fit
Sometimes, despite doing all of the steps, the school placement that they were in is just not the right fit. Not every placement is designed for every child and sometimes the best thing we can do is consider other options.
- Consider specialized classroom placements within the home school, if available
- Consider changing school boards, or from the public to private sector
- Consider distance/virtual learning or home schooling options
Tip: Advocate for your child’s needs while also encouraging their participation in solutions.
Knowing their feelings and ideas are being heard can also ease anxiety about the plan.
What Parents Should Advocate for at School
As a parent, your voice matters.
You can:
Request a meeting with your child’s teacher to develop an anxiety support plan.
Ask about school based social-emotional learning programs that teach skills like stress management, positive relationships, and resilience.
Advocate for inclusive practices that honour neurodiversity, such as sensory-friendly
classrooms or alternative assessment methods (read a related blog post about neuroaffirming
Request a modified schedule that allows for the tools and supports your child needs to ease back into a regular school day.
Visit our blogs to learn more about how your child can be supported at school:
Supporting a child with school anxiety isn’t easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. A therapist,
social worker, or psychologist can be a great ally in helping your child build coping and
confidence. If you have more questions or need some guidance, reach out to WonderTree.
We’re here to support your family every step of the way!
If you want to get started on support first:
Unsure of what support you may need?
#ChildDevelopment #ParentingTips #SupportingNeurodiversity #EmpowerNeurodivergentKids #ExecutiveFunctioningSkills #NeurodiversityAwareness #RaisingResilientKids #ChildSuccessStrategies #NeurodivergentSupport #PracticalParenting #GrowthMindsetForKids #Education #StudentSuccess #MentalHealth
IMPORTANT: Information shared by WonderTree is not intended to replace or be constituted as clinical or medical care. It’s intended for educational purposes only. Each child is unique, and the information provided may not be applicable to your specific situation. If you need support, please establish care with a licensed provider so that they can provide tailored recommendations for you or your child. This blog is non-monetized.
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