Ways to Teach Emotional Regulation Through Play: A Parent’s Guide
Big feelings are a normal part of childhood, but learning what to do with those feelings is a skill children need to be taught. One of the most natural ways parents can help children develop emotional regulation skills is through something children already love: play!
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in ways that help us cope with different situations. For children, developing this ability is an important part of their social and emotional development. Emotional regulation develops over time and is influenced by children's experiences, relationships, and environments (Sabatier et al., 2017).
Children aren’t born knowing how to regulate their emotions. When a child is frustrated, angry, disappointed, or overwhelmed, they may cry, yell, hit, run away, or have a meltdown. These behaviours can be difficult for parents to navigate, but they can also be opportunities for children to learn and practice coping strategies.
As parents, our role isn't to expect children to “calm down” on their own. Instead, we can teach and practice emotional regulation skills when children are calm, so they have strategies they can begin to use when big emotions show up.
And one of the best places to practice? Play!
Why Use Play to Teach Emotional Regulation?
Play isn't just something children do for fun. It can also provide children with opportunities to practice social, emotional, and self-regulation skills.
Play-based experiences can create a safe environment where children can explore emotions, problem-solve, practice social interactions, and experiment with different ways of responding to challenging situations. Play can therefore support children's development of self-regulation skills in meaningful and developmentally appropriate ways (Foley, 2017; Stephens, 2022).
Research has also found a relationship between pretend play, creativity, emotional regulation, and executive functioning in children. When children pretend, create stories, and act out different situations, they are practicing skills that can support emotional development and regulation (Hoffmann & Russ, 2012).
Even more encouraging, research has explored whether pretend play can be intentionally used to support children's emotional development. Richard et al. (2021) found that children who participated in a pretend-play-based training program showed improvements in their ability to understand emotions, compared with children who did not receive the training.
So, how can parents bring these ideas into everyday play?
1. Let the Stuffed Animals Have Big Feelings
Grab your child's favourite stuffed animals, dolls, or action figures and create a simple story.
Maybe the teddy bear's tower falls down.
“Oh no! Teddy worked so hard on his tower and now it's broken. Teddy looks really upset. What do you think Teddy could do?”
Your child might suggest taking a break, asking for help, trying again, or giving Teddy a hug.
You’ve just practiced emotional regulation, without having to wait for your child to become upset themselves!
Pretend play gives children an opportunity to explore emotions from a little bit of distance. Instead of talking directly about their frustration, they can talk about Teddy's frustration. This can make difficult emotional situations feel safer and easier to explore.
Try asking:
“How do you think Teddy feels?”
“What happened to make Teddy feel that way?”
“What could Teddy do to feel better?”
“Who could help Teddy?”
“Would taking a break help?”
“What do you think Teddy should try next?”
2. Play “What Would You Do?”
Turn everyday challenges into little pretend scenarios.
For example:
“Pretend you really want the blue cup, but someone else is using it. What could you do?”
Or:
“Pretend you’re building a tower and it keeps falling down. What could you do if you start getting frustrated?”
Let your child come up with different solutions. There doesn't always have to be one “right” answer.
Maybe your child says, “Ask for help!”
Great.
Maybe they say, “Knock the tower down!”
Okay… maybe we need to brainstorm another option.
The goal is to help children learn that there are choices they can make when they experience big emotions.
Through play, children can practice stopping, thinking, identifying emotions, considering different choices, and trying again. These are important parts of self-regulation and problem-solving (Foley, 2017; Stephens, 2022).
3. Practice Calming Strategies During Play
Children are much more likely to use coping strategies when they have had opportunities to practice them.
Instead of introducing a breathing strategy for the first time in the middle of a meltdown, make it part of everyday play.
You can make calming strategies into a game:
Turtle breaths: Pretend to be a turtle slowly breathing in and out.
Dragon breaths: Take a big breath in and slowly “blow out the fire.”
Smell the flower, blow the candle: Pretend to smell a flower and then blow out a birthday candle.
Freeze and relax: Pretend to be a statue, tense your body, and then relax.
You can even have your stuffed animals practice with you:
“Uh-oh! Teddy is getting frustrated. Should Teddy take a dragon breath?”
The sillier, the better.
The purpose isn't to make children stop having emotions. Instead, playful practice can help children become more familiar with strategies that they may eventually use when they experience strong emotions.
Check out some of our downloadable WonderTree breathing strategies!
4. Use Play to Talk About Meltdowns-After They Happen
Playing with your child can feel easy and natural when everyone is happy.
But what happens when your child has a meltdown?
That is usually not the best time to teach a brand-new coping strategy.
When children are overwhelmed by strong emotions, it can be difficult for them to listen, problem-solve, or take in new information. Instead, focus first on helping your child feel safe and supported.
Later, when your child is calm, you can revisit what happened through play.
For example:
“Remember when we were at the store and you really wanted the toy? Let's pretend Teddy is at the store and wants a toy too. What could Teddy do when he feels really frustrated?”
Now your child has the opportunity to explore the situation from a safe distance.
Maybe Teddy takes a break.
Maybe Teddy asks for help.
Maybe Teddy takes some deep breaths.
Maybe Teddy needs a hug.
Through pretend play, your child can practice different responses without actually being in the stressful situation. This type of play-based practice is consistent with research suggesting that pretend play can support children's understanding and regulation of emotions (Hoffmann & Russ, 2012; Richard et al., 2021).
5. Let Your Child Be the Teacher
Children often love being in charge of the story.
So why not let them teach you what to do when you have a big feeling?
You might say:
“Oh no! I’m pretending to be really frustrated. What should I do?”
Let your child coach you through taking breaths, asking for help, taking a break, or trying again.
You can even get a little dramatic:
“OH NO! MY TOWER FELL DOWN! I AM SOOOOO MAD!”
Your child may immediately tell you:
“Take a breath!”
Congratulations. You have just been taught emotional regulation by a four-year-old.
This kind of playful interaction gives children an opportunity to practice identifying emotions and thinking about appropriate responses while also making the learning experience fun and engaging.
6. Follow Your Child's Lead
One of the best things about using play to teach emotional regulation is that it doesn't need to look like a lesson.
You don't need flashcards.
You don't need a complicated activity.
You don't need to sit your child down and announce:
“Today, we will be learning about emotional regulation.”
...
Instead, follow your child's interests.
If they want to play superheroes, make emotional regulation part of the superhero story.
If they want to play house, let the dolls experience different emotions.
If they want to build with blocks, talk about what happens when the tower falls.
If they want to play with stuffed animals, let the stuffed animals have the biggest emotional drama imaginable.
Play-based learning can provide children with meaningful opportunities to practice self-regulation while engaging in activities that are already enjoyable and motivating for them (Foley, 2017; Stephens, 2022).
Remember: Connection Comes First
Teaching emotional regulation doesn't mean preventing children from ever having big emotions.
The goal isn't a child who never gets upset.
The goal is a child who gradually learns:
"I can have big feelings, and I can learn what to do with them.”
Emotional regulation develops over time. Children need adults to help them understand their emotions, model coping strategies, and provide repeated opportunities to practice these skills (Sabatier et al., 2017).
Play gives parents a chance to practice these skills alongside their children in a way that feels fun, safe, and meaningful.
So the next time your child reaches for their stuffed animals, dolls, blocks, or dress-up clothes, remember-you might not just be playing.
You might be helping your child build the skills they need to handle their biggest feelings.
And if your child's stuffed animal has a meltdown because you gave them the wrong coloured cup?
Well… that's another opportunity to practice.
At WonderTree…
At WonderTree, we believe play can be a powerful way to help children build emotional regulation and coping skills. Our team supports children and families in developing practical strategies to navigate big feelings and everyday challenges—while making learning feel fun, safe, and meaningful.
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IMPORTANT: Information shared by WonderTree is not intended to replace or be constituted as clinical or medical care. It’s intended for educational purposes only. Each child is unique, and the information provided may not be applicable to your specific situation. If you need support, please establish care with a licensed provider so that they can provide tailored recommendations for you or your child. This blog is non-monetized.
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