Your Grandchild Was Just Diagnosed Autistic - Now What?
- Dr. Stephanie Lavoie and Dr. Michelle Fardella
- Jul 30
- 4 min read
Updated: Aug 6
"Autism is not something to ‘fix’ or ‘overcome.’ It’s a different way of experiencing the world, and our job as family members is to support and celebrate this uniqueness."
Autism is a natural variation in how brains process the world. It shapes the way someone communicates, experiences their senses, and interacts socially, but it’s not something that needs to be “fixed” or “overcome.” Rather, autism is a beautiful and essential part of human diversity.
Whether your grandchild was recently diagnosed or you’re just starting to learn more, this guide offers a compassionate introduction to understanding and supporting them.
Every autistic person is unique, with their own strengths, preferences, and needs. The autistic brain processes information differently, and while this brings certain challenges, it also comes with incredible strengths.
Common strengths include:
Deep focus on areas of interest
Creativity and out-of-the-box thinking
Strong pattern recognition and problem-solving abilities
Recognizing these strengths and nurturing them can help your grandchild thrive in their own way.
Myths VS Reality
Seeing the World Through a Different Sensory Lens
Many autistic individuals experience sensory input—like sights, sounds, smells, or textures very differently.
This may lead to what’s known as:
sensory sensitivities (hypersensitivity) or sensory-seeking behaviors (hyposensitivity).
Sensory Sensitivities (Hypersensitivity)
Some autistic children are especially sensitive to things like:
Bright lights
Loud noises
Strong smells
Certain clothing or food textures
Even small sensory changes can feel overwhelming. For example, if your grandchild covers their ears during a family gathering, they’re not being defiant—the noise may genuinely feel unbearable.
Here are some accommodations you can make in your home and when out in the community to help them feel comfortable.
Sensory Seeking (Hyposensitivity)
On the flip side, some children crave more sensory input to feel balanced and calm. This might look like:
Constant movement—rocking, spinning, or jumping
A need for deep pressure—tight hugs, squeezing, or weighted blankets
Touching different textures—like soft fabrics, sand, or squishy toys
These behaviors help them regulate and feel grounded in their environment.
Here are some accommodations you can make in your home and when out in the community to help them feel comfortable.
Supporting Emotional Regulation
Autistic children may experience big emotions that feel hard to manage. With support and understanding, they can learn strategies to navigate overwhelming moments.
How You Can Help:
Recognize Early Signs: Watch for signals like pacing, withdrawal, or covering ears.
Offer Calming Tools: A cozy space, deep breaths, or a favourite sensory toy can help.
Validate Emotions: Saying something like “I see you’re feeling upset. Let’s take a break together,” can go a long way.
Tip: When you stay calm, you model emotional regulation and help them do the same.
Communicating With Your Grandchild
Not all children communicate with words, but they all communicate. Some may use gestures, facial expressions, sounds, or devices to get their message across.
Ways to Foster Connection:
Give extra processing time: Pause after asking a question and wait patiently.
Use visuals and gestures: Pictures, symbols, or sign language can support understanding.
Follow their interests: Talking about things they love (like dinosaurs, trains, or video games) builds connection and trust.
Remember: communication isn’t just about words and it can come in many forms.
How to Be a Supportive Grandparent
Your love, patience, and advocacy can make a lasting difference.
Here are simple ways to show up for your child and grandchild:
Learn about their interests: If they love trains, talk about trains!
Support their needs: If they need quiet time after school, give them space to decompress.
Respect their boundaries: Some kids prefer high-fives or waves over hugs.
Be their advocate: Speak up if someone misunderstands or dismisses their needs.
Celebrate their strengths: Notice and praise their creativity, focus, or unique talents.
A Helpful Framework: The REAL Approach
Talking about autism may feel overwhelming at times—especially when other family members have questions. The REAL framework can guide your conversations:
R — Relate: Connect with empathy. Listen to concerns with an open heart.
E — Explain: Describe autism in terms of both strengths and challenges.
A — Adjust: Gently shift outdated thinking with updated, neuro-affirming language.
L — Learn: Keep the conversation going. Ask questions, share experiences, and grow together.
Expressions of Love Might Look Different, and That’s Okay
Autistic children may express love in unexpected or subtle ways. They may not run up for a hug, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care deeply.
Here’s what love might look like:
Bringing you a favorite book: A way of sharing something meaningful.
Sitting near you quietly: A silent, steady sign of closeness.
Talking about their favourite topic with you: Inviting you into their world.
By noticing and honouring these gestures, you build trust and strengthen your relationship.
Your role as a grandparent is powerful. With compassion, curiosity, and openness, you can help your grandchild feel seen, supported, and celebrated, just as they are.
Unsure where to start?
IMPORTANT: Information shared by WonderTree is not intended to replace or be constituted as clinical or medical care. It’s intended for educational purposes only. Each child is unique, and the information provided may not be applicable to your specific situation. If you need support, please establish care with a licensed provider so that they can provide tailored recommendations for you or your child. This blog is non-monetized.
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