Helping Your Child Navigate Performance Worries
- Jessica Raimondo
- Jun 2
- 5 min read
Whether it’s a big exam or the final round of a competition, kids today face intense pressures to perform - not just in school, but also in sports, music, and other extracurricular activities. For many, these situations can trigger worries about performance, which can impact not only their results but also their mental and emotional well-being.
As a parent, you play a powerful role in helping your child manage intense emotions, including worries, and help to build resilience. It might be hard to decipher between typical, moderate worry and performance anxiety. Performance anxiety is a type of stress that arises when someone feels pressure to succeed in a specific situation—like taking a test, performing in a recital, or competing in a game.
It’s not just “nerves.” Performance anxiety can affect a child’s ability to concentrate, remember what they’ve learned, or even enjoy activities they once loved. It stems from a fear of judgment, high self-imposed expectations, or pressure (real or perceived) from adults and peers.
Performance anxiety might show up as:
Difficulty sleeping or eating before a big test or event
Perfectionism or procrastination
Physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, or fatigue
Emotional signs like irritability, withdrawal, or tears
Avoidance (e.g., not wanting to attend a practice, canceling a test)
The good news? Like any skill, managing performance anxiety can be learned—and that’s where parental support makes a huge difference. While you can’t take the test or step on stage for them, there are meaningful ways you can support your child in managing worries and building the confidence to face challenges.
Here are some helpful ideas if you are looking for guidance around how to support your child:
Validate Their Feelings
Start by letting your child know their feelings are normal and okay. By validating their experience, you help them feel seen and less alone. When kids feel worried, their emotions can seem overwhelming or even confusing. By acknowledging and accepting those feelings, you’re telling your child that their experience is real and it’s okay to feel this way. That sense of being understood is calms the nervous system, reduces shame and builds emotional trust. Validation doesn’t mean you agree with everything they say, it means you are creating a safe space for them to process what they’re going through. We need to listen and hear the feelings, instead of rushing to reassure.
You can try saying:
Instead of saying: "It's no big deal," try “It’s totally normal and okay to feel nervous before something important.”
“You don’t have to be fearless—you just have to try your best.”
Reframe the Goal
Shift the emphasis from results to effort and growth. This helps children develop a growth mindset, which fuels long term motivation, confidence and resilience. It also reduces pressure and fear of failure, as making mistakes becomes part of the growth process and not something to fear. Recognizing effort teaches that hard work, persistence and preparation matter, no matter what the outcome. And having realistic expectations is good practice overall for our kids. If we create goals that are unachievable we are setting them up for failure from the start.
Some examples you can try with your child:
Instead of: “You need to ace this test,” try: “Let’s make a plan to help you feel ready.”
Praise effort, consistency, and improvement—not just high scores or wins (the outcomes).
Establish Healthy Routines
Performance anxiety often increases with lack of sleep, poor nutrition, and too much screen time. Routines provide structure, predictability, and a sense of control—all of which help reduce stress and support emotional well-being. Healthy routines give kids the structure they need to feel safe, strong, and ready—both emotionally and physically—for whatever challenges they face.
You can help your child by:
Set up a consistent sleep schedule
Eat regular, balanced meals (especially on test or event days)
Balance study, practice, and relaxation
Teach Coping Tools
Teaching coping skills is essential because it gives children practical tools to manage stress, anxiety, and pressure—not just in the moment, but for life. Coping skills are like a mental toolkit. The earlier children learn to use them, the more confident and emotionally resilient they’ll become—on stage, in the classroom, and beyond.
Give your child tools to manage their stress:
Breathing exercises (e.g., box breathing or 4-7-8 breathing)
Positive self-talk (e.g., “I’ve studied hard, and I can handle this.”)
Visualization (e.g., imagining a calm, focused test-taking experience)
Practice these skills ahead of time so they become second nature.
Avoid Over-Scheduling
Too many commitments can overwhelm even the most capable kids. Kids need balance to thrive—mentally, emotionally, and physically. While extracurricular activities and academic goals are valuable, too much can lead to burnout, stress, and performance anxiety. Overscheduling can undermine the very skills and confidence parents hope to build. By protecting free time and balance, you're giving your child space to grow—not just as a student or performer, but as a whole person.
Check in regularly:
Is your child feeling energized or exhausted?
Are they doing activities they love, or ones they feel obligated to do?
Help them prioritize and, if needed, scale back without guilt.
Be a Calm, Supportive Presence
Your energy sets the tone. If you’re anxious, your child may mirror that. Be a safe place, not another source of pressure. When you stay grounded, you create a sense of emotional safety that helps your child feel more secure, confident, and capable.
Here are some ways to be a calm and supportive presence for your child:
Ask open-ended questions: “How are you feeling about the test/game?”
Offer encouragement without fixing: “Whatever happens, I’m proud of you for showing up.”
If anxiety is causing consistent distress, physical symptoms, or avoidance of school or activities, consider reaching out to a counselor, psychologist, or school support team. Early intervention can make a huge difference.
Exams and extracurriculars are part of your child’s learning and growth—not just academically or physically, but emotionally, too. Worry is a normal response to challenges. With your guidance, your child can learn to face those moments with confidence, self-compassion, and flexibility.
Book recommendations
Check out these book lists-
And one of our favourite workbook style books can be found here.
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#education#performance#school#student#neurdivergent#neurdivergentstudent#specialeducation#parent#parenting#parentsupport#ADHD#autism#anxiety#Accommodationsmodification#ExecutiveFunctioning#EmotionalRegulation
IMPORTANT: Information shared by WonderTree is not intended to replace or be constituted as clinical or medical care. It’s intended for educational purposes only. Each child is unique, and the information provided may not be applicable to your specific situation. If you need support, please establish care with a licensed provider so that they can provide tailored recommendations for you or your child. This blog is non-monetized.
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